You know, American people, I know I’m a bit late, but I just gotta say this:
I’m so glad you picked Obama, and not the other one.
He’s such a great guy. Obama, I mean. I mean, yeah, he should probably stop killing innocent people, but apart from that, great guy. He has that unbelievably cute smile, don’t you think? Just can’t stay mad at him. And besides, they’re usually foreigners, so, like, who cares, right?
I’m just so excited we get to keep him as president, because … well… Yes, I guess war is not such a great thing, he might want to avoid that, but …. hey, do you remember the fly? When he caught the fly in the air? That was so cool, wasn’t it? Great guy.
And he even realized that gay people should probably be treated almost exactly like other citizens, just before the election. Isn’t that great?
Yes, sure, there’s that thing about imprisoning people without due process, but at least he’s stopped torturing them. He says. Mostly. That’s got to count for something. The other one wanted to torture them, I think, so Obama is obviously the better choice. No denying that, right? Imprisoning people is still better than imprisoning people and torturing them, isn’t it? I mean, duh, right?
And yes, like the other one, he talks to an invisible friend who tells him what’s right and wrong, but at least he’s not wearing that stupid magic underwear stuff, so if anyone should have the power to destroy the world and to just imprison and kill anyone he wants to, it should really be him and have you seen that video of him singing „Call me maybe“? Such a great guy.
So, American people, Lady Gaga is so right, you can be very proud of yourselves. Congratulations. I can’t imagine anyone I’d rather have as leader of the free world. Except maybe someone who doesn’t kill innocent people, doesn’t think it’s right to imprison someone without due process, doesn’t believe batshit crazy stuff without good reasons and doesn’t need the pressure of an election to understand that gay people are people. I might just rather have someone like that. But I guess you have to be realistic about such things.
So yay Obama!